Emotional intelligence has been a buzzword in the personal growth industry and in high-level corporate recruitment strategies since 1995, when Daniel Goleman used the term for his book title and topic. (Location 89)
EQ is the personal ability you have to recognize and label your own emotions and feelings. That's your starting point. You stop cold in the middle of a conversation you're having, for instance, and can say to yourself, "I was just feeling and expressing irritation and a mild degree of anger!" Once you can recognize your own feelings to a degree of certainty, you will then move on to develop the ability to see emotions and feelings in others for what they truly are. If you can see feelings in yourself, you’ll be able to identify them in others. (Location 95)
Those are the two aspects of the foundation of your EQ, your emotional intelligence. It's developing a habit of pausing and objectively asking yourself which feelings are in play at the moment, in yourself and in others. (Location 104)
The next level of emotional intelligence that you can develop for yourself is your personal ability to rein in or direct your emotions, to call on certain emotions, for instance, so that they help you perform better. (Location 107)
This third level of emotional intelligence is your personal ability to not only manage your own strong or expressed emotions, but to regulate them at will. This includes the ability to let go of, or even fully dissolve strong feelings – in the moment, at will. (Location 116)
Her consultant then told her the story of another stage performer (she recognized his name) who had used the EQ consultant’s services as well. The consultant told her, "When I asked him how he felt just before going out on stage, guess what he said? He says his muscles tighten up and he gets jumpy. He says his mouth goes dry. He says his heart starts to pound. He says he thinks about all those great people who have been so loyal to him who are sitting out in the audience. And you know what? That gets him really excited to get out on that stage and start singing!” He continued, "He is filled with the energy of what we call enthusiasm and courageousness. You feel the energy of fear and panic. Those energies are the same thing, just placed on flip side of the coin. The feeling of fear is the opposite of enthusiasm. Together we will see if we can’t flip that coin right around…" (Location 129)
IQ scores may gently rise as one gets older, if one continuously reads and learns new things (in other words, solicits the mind continuously). In all cases, the IQ score is only a reflection of "how smart you are at the moment of testing." Contrary to emotional intelligence, we have come to believe that our intellectual capabilities are statistically measurable. Whether that is actually true or not is up for debate, however, due to the strong influence high EQ can have on one’s overall intelligence! (Location 167)
Remember that EQ is defined as an individual's ability to identify, evaluate, control, and express feelings. (Location 201)
A study of PhD's spanning 40 years at the University of California at Berkeley concluded that well-developed EQ was four times more powerful than strong IQ in predicting who succeeded in their chosen field. (Location 224)
There are different types of problems that can be addressed, solved or resolved from the perspective of high emotional intelligence. Your average data-driven, low-EQ manager cannot get any traction in these types of issues. Consider these three examples: 1. How can you get your team to work at a higher level of performance and goal achievement? The use of inspirational storytelling and company ritual can inspire your team members to rise to a new level of performance. This solution comes from emotions. 2. How can you energize your people when the going gets rough or when your business is threatened by outside factors? You demonstrate your certainty through your own positive emotional state, your expressions of confidence in them, and your trust in them and belief in their skillsets. You have their back, feel for them and with them, and literally roll up your sleeves at their side – this expresses a high degree of engagement with them through a visible expression of emotional support. 3. Companies want emotionally intelligent leaders, as it has been proven time and again that employees with such leaders are about four times less likely to leave the company. What company isn’t seeking to reduce costly staff turnover? (Location 227)
From more recent history, there is the former so-called "Meditating President" of Mozambique in Africa, Joaquim Chissano. He practiced what is known as transcendental meditation (TM), and upon election required the people working with him in government to learn the activity as well. Imagine a major corporation or a major government actually paying its leadership and officials to learn how to meditate! That is just what he did. Under Chissano’s leadership, which lasted from 1986 to 2005, the whole personnel of government, the armed forces and police of Mozambique were required to practice TM twice daily. This practice was actually begun in 1994, and the emotional awareness that grew from it was astonishing in its impacts. The results? The 15-year civil war ended, and the country was returned to peace, and the rebuilding of its prosperity began (6) (Location 278)
Almost all of your heavier, negative emotions as well as your lighter, positive feelings can easily be felt as sensations in your physical body. (Location 408)
Start now by practicing on deciding how to react to your emotions. You may not be able to choose what emotions to feel, but you can decide what to do with them. (Location 436)
Recognize the feeling and control it consciously right away, before it affects your actions. This is where “feeling with the body” is useful. (Location 446)
All of us really have this much power over our emotions! Recognize, accept, release. It really is that simple. (Location 490)
With a bit of reflection, we realize that feelings fill our thoughts as well. While we have some neutral (or “objective”) thoughts, most of our thinking is actually charged with either positive or negative emotions. (Location 495)
Self-management is your at-will ability to delay personal gratification, in the name of more personal mastery over strong feelings or urges. In the name of a quiet, more balanced observation of other people around you. In the name of allowing others to shine. (Location 596)
You just feel it. You recognize it, and you let it go in the way which we have gone through in the previous pages. Just these few steps, which may last only a minute or two, help you self-manage that feeling of desire for the chocolate, by delaying impulsive action. (Location 607)
Your goal here is to step back and allow others to shine — after all, everyone wants to shine as their leader looks on! Your goal here is to consider the possibility that other people may also know as much as you do, and are as smart as you are. Your goal here is to — with the use of emotional intelligence — develop more harmonious interactions with the people around you. (Location 627)
Knowing how to let go of the feelings helps diminish the power of the related memory as well. (Location 656)
Mindfulness means deliberately paying attention. Intentionally focusing. Nonjudgmentally observing life and living as it occurs around you. Being aware of your surroundings through all your senses. (Location 666)
In other words, mindfulness is a dynamic state of awareness. It is a lively, conscious way of registering and processing information. (Location 685)
Prayer, singing hymns or chanting are nothing more than means of focusing – being mindful – on the spiritual energy and connection with the divine. (Location 694)
We just don't like to stop! But stop is exactly what we must do if we are to practice mindfulness and reap the benefits of doing so. (Location 704)
15th century poet Kabir said, “Wherever you are, that is the entry point.” (Location 713)
Please note that your entire mindfulness session can be you, using your senses in just this way: 1. Muscle relaxation. 2. Body's breath in and out. 3. The feel of the ambient air temperature on your skin. 4. Nearby sounds. After all, how often is it that you decide simply to focus on what your five senses perceive in the moment? Be mindful – attentive and conscious – in your first practice sessions of what your five senses are capable of telling you. Challenge yourself to notice more and more sounds, to feel a range of sensations on your skin or in your nostrils, to smell pleasant and unpleasant odors, to notice relaxed and tense muscles. (Location 755)
Biologically, practice of mindfulness has been proven to increase telomerase (the caps at the end of our genes), with an effect of reducing cell damage in our body. Less cell damage leads to a longer life. Mindfulness also strengthens our immune system, which allows our body to more effortlessly fight off diseases ranging from the common cold to life-threatening conditions like cancer. (Location 811)
Mentally, the intention to silently observe gently leads our minds to quiet down. When our minds are still, our concentration on our point of focus can increase. Our mental acuity – the sense of mental sharpness – is improved. (Location 818)
The best novelists and screenplay writers are active and attentive observers of humankind. They have to be, as understanding the role of emotions is how they develop the characters depicted in their stories. (Location 848)
As you observe the person and note their feelings, watch for your own emotional reactions to them. (Location 884)
The urge to interrupt another individual in the course of a conversation is a behavior driven by feelings. Many of us, unfortunately, have this tendency. (Location 913)
Identify your own feelings attached to that urge to interrupt. In fact, an "urge" is itself a feeling! It is a lust, a craving, an itch to do something immediately. (Location 916)
Just observe; don't get all puffed up by what you notice. But, likewise, don't collapse when you realize what their true reaction to you has been (Location 968)
In all cases, ask yourself, “How am I just like them? If this were done to me, would I react just as they do?” (Location 974)
An emotionally aware individual doesn't rationalize or make excuses for his or her feelings. They do something about them! (Location 981)
Working on continuously enhancing your emotional intelligence will have numerous immediate and cumulative effects, but perhaps the most life-changing aspect of having a high level of emotional intelligence is the advanced self-awareness which follows. (Location 992)
One of the first benefits you may comment upon weeks or months into this study is, "I have realized that it's just a feeling – not life or death." Related to this is the observation that, "A feeling is not forever. I have choices now!" (Location 1036)
people will usually gravitate towards emotionally intelligent individuals and seek out their companionship, their leadership or guidance, or their inspiration. (Location 1107)
People instinctively lean towards the highest EQ individual present in times of conflicts or disagreement anywhere they occur (in the home, in the workplace, in public forums) because they have a sense that the high EQ individual is a clear thinker, a clear communicator, a quick study of situations, and thus a clear decision maker. (Location 1110)
Masters of emotions know what to do with feelings – both their own and others’. (Location 1114)
